GW1 | The Bombers 74 – 50 Downsy’s 11
In the battle of pre-season beef, Will Penhallurick’s Jager Bombers consigned Michael Davies’ new club to a resounding defeat. A game which many felt had more than just the score on the line, Penhallurick (an angry, vocal critic of Downs, the league…anyone but himself) put Downsy’s 11 to the sword with Harry Kane and Anthony Martial providing the bulk of the 24 point difference between the teams. A big first win gets RoW off the mark for the season—and perhaps puts Penhallurick on the road to redemption after he became the first RoW captain in history to lose a Titus when RoW fell to Wales, last year.
GW2 | Mellberg’s Beard 47 – 53 Jobless Jons
“Tom Heaton! Tyrone Mings! Moise Kean! Emerson! Christian Pulisic! John McGinn! Neal Maupay! Wes Evans – can you hear me, Wes Evans? Your boys took one hell of a beating! Your boys took one hell of a beating!”
Forget the fact that Wales’ Wes Evans played his wildcard or that Melberg’s Beard have now gone 18 consecutive GWs without a win because the fact is Jon Jolley played a blinder a for RoW. In a masterstroke of tactical prowess, RoW played the maverick card brilliantly. Even on -8, and 30 points left on the bench, the Jobless Jons made short work of a team quickly becoming the league’s laughing stock.
GW3 | DTA 40 – 43 CACOS
DoDi’s 2nd and 3rd place entered GW3 with just a few points between them. At this early stage of the season, it’s a lofty position DTA fans rarely get to enjoy—and here, a dose of reality was delivered alongside a slip to the mid-table sanctuary DTA revel in so much. Without Pukki, and with a Kane (c) blank, Cacos got the job done to maintain RoW’s 100% record…just about.
GW4 | FARTS OF MIDLOTHIAN 54 – 43 DIE LAWRO DIE
It’s been a miserable return to DoWo for Farts of Midlothian as Martin Arthur’s season lurches from bad to worse. Still, as has been the case so often in his career, the hardy Scot rises to the occasion when it comes to the Titus. Jake Evans would’ve expected to have made short work of a poor Farts side but a gritty showing from the Farts maintains RoW’s 100% record.
GW6 | THE BOMBERS 60 – 42 XTAL THA PULSEWIDTH
After the jubilation of lifting Wales’ first Titus, the start to the 2019/20 season has been a sobering on for David Twigg. Bottom of DoDi and on a miserable winless run of 4 games in the Titus, it seemed like the perfect week for the Welsh captain to lead by example. But, as ever, Will Penhallurick seems to revel in ruining other people’s day. In the battle of the division bottom dwellers, The Bombers took a useful 3 points for RoW—now they just need to sort their DoBo form.
GW7 | THE WESTICLES 60 – 53 DIE LAWRO DIE
For the second time this season, Wales captain David Twigg looked to Jake Evans to get his side on the board for the first time this season. After a shock defeat to Martin Arthur in GW4, it was a chance for Die Lawro Die to compensate for game many expected them to win—and quell the rumblings that he isn’t actually the best Evans after slipping behind Wes’ Mellberg’s Beard. Sadly for Jake, the might of The Westicles proved to be too much as Daniel Paul Huxley’s side swatted them away in a commanding performance. And with six wins from six, some are asking whether this RoW can maintain perfection all season.
GW8 | EH PUIS MERCE 51 – 34 DTA
It’s taken 7 GWs but when RoW captain Mehdi Daoudi finally stepped up, he lead by example in a convincing win over another hapless Welsh opponent. You could forgive Stephen Davies for focusing his efforts elsewhere – DTA’s surprisingly strong start in DoDi sees them battling for top spot – but in a fixture where his country desperately needed him, Davies was reported as saying “DSoE are destroying us, I want out.” A bad omen, perhaps, for Wales’ hopes of retaining their crown in the face of 7 defeats from 7 games.
GW9 | FC DES 34 – 41 THE JAGER BOMBERS
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. After the shock glory of their maiden Titus, the elation of that victory should have inspired Wales to a show of irresistible force. Instead, after an 8th consecutive Titus defeat, they find themselves facing an increasing uphill battle to stay competitive. Not even the self-proclaimed special one on a wildcard could stop the rot—not that anyone else was surprised.
GW10 | FC DES – 54 THE PAIN TRAIN 69
Pointless. It’s how some critics have taken to literally describing Sean Downs’ struggling campaign with FC Des. Marooned at the bottom of DoBo and facing down one of the division’s title contenders, Rory McCarthy’s side dished out a ruthless lesson in how to win a Fantasy head-to-head. Downs might brush off the defeat under his DSoE umbrella of points don’t matter, but given the chance to avenge the damaging defeat to Will Penhallurick the week before, a double defeat could be the tip of the iceberg to a calamitous season.
GW11 | MANI UNITED 61 – 66 XTAL THA PULSEWIDTH
Whisper it, but the green shoots of recovery might just be sprouting at Xtal tha Pulsewidth. Contrary to the teachings of DSoE, David Twigg’s side have been doing a neat sideline in collecting points over the last few weeks, underscored here by a captain’s performance to chalk up Wales’ first Titus win this season. Staring down the barrel of 10 games without a victory, the table looks bleak but they will be delighted to have stopped the rot, even if only for a week.
GW12 | FARTS OF MIDLOTHIAN 56 – 39 INTER YA MAM
Sometimes, you can’t explain how a thing happened; you just know it did. A demoralized Wales camp will wonder why a slack week for Inter Ya Mam had to coincide with one of the rare weeks Farts of Midlothian have stirred themselves from a Buckfast stupor to perform. On the other side, a happily perplexed RoW will be glad to rack up another win in a commanding campaign.
GW13 | THE PAIN TRAIN 73 – 52 INTER YA MAM
After a crushing loss to the much maligned Farts of Midlothian, Richard Davies’ Inter Ya Mam were given an immediate chance to bounce back by Wales captain, David Twigg. Unfortunately for Wales, they ran into Rory McCarthy’s runaway Pain Train. And while his team’s unerring consistency isn’t enough to see them top DoBo, this performance was enough to cruise RoW to another elementary 3 points.
GW14 | EH PUIS MERCE 48 – 31 MELLBERG’S BEARD
Wales’ luck didn’t change for the better here as a solid Eh Puis Merce performance was enough to defeat another poor Mellberg’s Beard effort. A poor game, neither side covered themselves in glory but for Mehdi Daoudi and RoW: another game, another win.
GW15 | CACOS 59 – 42 XTAL THA PULSEWIDTH
A DoDi and DiKo double header, a resurgent Cacos team eased to a useful win that saw Younis’ side make more ground in the division whilst condemning David Twigg’s side to cup elimination. After the defeat, Xtal fans remained diplomatic as their upturn in league form should see the club recover from the nightmare start to avoid back-to-back relegations—a feat not even David Twigg’s famed DSoE mentor, Sean Downs, has achieved…yet.
GW16 | FC DES 52 – 70 THE WESTICLES
Speaking of failure, Sean Downs watched his FC Des side fall to fellow struggler, The Westicles. Daniel Paul Huxley’s side have over-performed in recent seasons but in a DoDi loaded with Fantasy talent and setting an aggressive pace at the top of the league, The Westicles’ league status looks bleaker every week. Despite those struggles, they still made short work of the league’s worst team and manager for another RoW.
GW17 | FARTS OF MIDLOTHIAN 36 – 46 DIE LAWRO DIE
In the first rematch of the season, Jake Evans’ Die Lawro Die avenged their earlier Titus defeat at the hands of Farts of Midlothian. In the worst Titus match of the season, Evans’ side dug deep to condemn an increasingly miserable season for Martin Arthur as he battles relegation and the humiliation of becoming only the 2nd RoW manager to lose in 17 games.
GW18 | MELLBERG’S BEARD 67 – 35 MANIUNITED
Following on from the revenge success of his better (lesser?) brother, Mellberg’s Beard’s resounding win over the hapless MANI United might not be much to write home about; stringing back-to-back wins together for Wales for the first time this season is. Do you believe in miracles?
GW19 | THE PAIN TRAIN 41 – 51 DOWNSYS 11
When Michael Davies and Rory McCarthy go head-to-head, we rarely expect fireworks and this Titus match was no different. An average week for Downsy’s 11 proved to be enough to beat The Pain Train’s below average week in the Fantasy equivalent of a 1-0 win. More impressively, however, was it marked Wales’ first hat-trick of consecutive wins this season.
GW20 | DTA 47 – 39 EH PUIS MERCE
Another week, another dream-like result for Stephen Davies’ swashbuckling DTA. Against arguably the best manager in the league in Mehdi Daoudi, DTA made short work of a noticeably middling Eh Puis side that look like their love for the game has gone. No such problems for the Prince of DoDi as he notches 4th win on the spin.
GW21 | DOWNSY’S 11 60 – 61 CACOS
The most heated of rivalry in the division, the clubs might be the same but the managers aren’t. Still, set aside the historical club rivalry and you still have the managerial rivalry between the two most successful in the game in Michael Davies and Reef Younis. The fact a point ultimately separated the two sides is no surprise with Cacos breaking Wales unlikely winning run.
GW22 | DIE LAWRO DIE 60 – 57 THE PAIN TRAIN
Just when you thought Wales were regressing to their old ways, Jake Evans steps up with a big win—and a strong case for ‘Best Evans’. On paper, it should have been a routine win for Rory McCarthy’s side but like the shithouse he is, he fucked it. Wales make it 5 wins from their last 6 games.