SEPTEMBER RECAP

What a month it has been for the Jager Bombers. As the third best performing manager in August, Will Penhallurick’s side showed a surprisingly solid run of early season form that has evolved into the Bombers setting their stall out as the most dominant side across the league in September. It’s a level of performance that has opened up a 100-point gap at the top of DoWo between first and second before GW9—an average gain of 10+ points on his rivals, every week.

That scintillating start owes a lot to Penhallurick’s management but fingers should also be pointed at what is quickly becoming the worst DoWo in living memory. In second place, St. Pauli’s form is as absent as Paul Gregory with last season’s DoDi winner getting a harsh lesson outside the training wheels of the league’s bottom division; in third place, Gavin Jones’ Heisenberg have failed to find form after their much-heralded return and look as likely to fight out a relegation battle as they do 2nd place promotion; in fourth place, by virtue of a -25 deduction, Wes Evans’ Mellberg’s Beard seem to be groaning into life after a miserable start but, with battle of the DoWo also-rans looking tight, should be wary of just how painful that point hit might be. Finally, propping up the division, David Twigg and Xtal Tha Pulsewidth’s malaise continues with the one-time DoBo side looking a shadow of the side that battled it out with the league’s best, but Twigg might take some solace in the fact that his side are still, improbably, within striking distance of 2nd place. The question is: can they find the form to get there?

In DoBo, Martin Arthur’s Farts of Midlothian might top the division but Borussia Teeth keep grabbing the headlines. Wyn Williams’ side continue to surprise, and a high-scoring September saw them chop into the Farts’ once impressive lead by 39 points. Now, just 15 separate the two teams but The Teeth are the form side going into GW9 and Arthur needs to rekindle the Farts’ early season rampage. Below, in third place, Rory McCarthy and The Pain Train continue to struggle with the demands of elite level Fantasy. An unedifying -25 deduction and a muddling opening two months mean they’re going nowhere fast. Thankfully for McCarthy, the circus of disrepute happening just below gives his side a useful buffer from the threat of relegation—that only supports the fact that this season’s DoBo is the weakest on record.

It seems ‘The Curse’ is doing for FC Des what it did for Farts of Midlothian: a champion one season, bottom-place and hapless relegation the next. Michael Davies’ side might not be in the doldrums the same way Sean Downs’ Super Ted FC are, but a stubborn -50 for disrepute and a miserable start to the season has made the race to the bottom of DoBo semi-interesting. At the bottom, Downs continues to claw back points, despite the hefty -100 for disrepute, as the reality of avoiding relegation by traditional means bites—and with just 12 points separating the bottom two, Downs has both The Pain Train and St. Pauli in his sights.

DoDi, the perennial shit-pit of failure, continues to deliver with newcomer Jake Evans making a mockery of the division and Michael Jones’ Northern Borras riding in Die Lawro Die’s slipstream. Just 12 points separate the division’s top two, and with DoWo reaching DoDi levels of failure, you would expect both sides to earn promotion next May. Below, Stephen Davies’ DTA showed some signs of resurrection as he guided his side to 238 points for the month (the same as Northern Borras, incidentally) but therein lies the problem facing Davies’ side this season. Safe from relegation, due to the spectacular failure of both Daniel Paul Huxely and Jon Jolley, and the anonymous form of Dewi Rhys Jones’ Colonel Getafe IV, DTA need to find a way to break down the early-season consistency of the sides above…or hope the wheels fall off both.

At the bottom of the league, the barnacle pair of bollocks that are Paulisa Fekir and The Westicles continue to plumb new depths. There was joy for Jon Jolley as his side clawed their way off bottom, even without The Westicles -25 deduction, but the fact remains that both sides are scoring comparably, or in The Westicles case, less than an auto-picked team at the bottom of FT B.

In that battle for league football, Mehdi Daoudi’s Eh Puis Merce powered through the month to seize the initiative at the top from Reef Younis Cacos with Andrew Pollard’s Sporting a Semi doggedly demonstrating that they’re going nowhere fast either—and in a division where two of the top three performing sides across the league and below come from FT B, the race for DoDi football looks to become a compelling one.