DTA IN DE ZEEUW COUP

The club today announced the arrival of the former Downsy’s 11 and Super Ted FC Director of Football in a major hire for the DoDi specialists. Surprisingly sacked by Super Ted FC following the club’s relegation, De Zeeuw was offered contracts by a number of DoBo and DoWo clubs before agreeing terms on a non-wage, six-season deal with DTA.

Crediting his prior experience working with Stephen Davies, and the breakdown of his relationship with Sean Downs, De Zeeuw admitted it was time for a fresh start—away from the glare and criticism of working for one of the league’s most talked about, if most unsuccessful clubs. “It’s the perfect move for me at this stage of my career,” De Zeeuw explains. “After years working very closely with Sean and establishing the inimitable style fans the world over associate and enjoy, a change was good. It didn’t happen the way I hoped, and I’m disappointed I didn’t get the support I felt I deserved, but I will never say a bad word about that club or people I have a lot of respect for.”

DTA manager, Stephen Davies, is equally optimistic and excited by the appointment, citing De Zeeuw’s enviable experience in the game. “He’s a legend, isn’t he?,” Davies enthuses, “Who wouldn’t want someone of Arjen’s stature at their club? I know he had other options and we’re delighted he joined us. I’ve always been a big fan and had huge respect for him, so seeing him as a shell of the giant he is at the DSoE, I knew I had to rescue him. But only because I believe he can help us. He sees the potential the club has—we’re a sleeping a giant.”

Davies and De Zeeuw.

It’s a shrewd move from a club facing a season competing in one of the toughest DoDi’s on record. A resurgent Westicles side finished above DTA for the first time in the club’s history last season. Despite dropping down to the bottom division, Xtal tha Pulsewidth have DoBo and DoWo pedigree, dominant former DoDi champions Mellberg’s Beard find themselves in a league they know well and Cacos, one of the biggest clubs in the league, begin their journey back to the top after their expected promotion from FT B. With that kind of quality, it’s left DTA without their traditional buffer of Jon Jolley—and Davies faces a season battling against Colonel Getafe as the pre-season relegation favourites pegged for the drop. But it’s a preconception De Zeeuw refuses to even entertain.

“I didn’t come here to experience relegation,” he pauses, “I’ve had enough of those with Downsy’s 11 and Super Ted FC. I miss winning trophies and I’m here to do that with DTA. This club has won the title once before, why not again? We’re capable of competing in the SaKo against the best and the DiKo is a trophy we should be winning as a club. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t be here.”

DTA fans haven’t had much to celebrate since that title back in 2017, and after their longstanding challenge to FC Des disrepute record spectacularly collapsed towards the end of last season, but in true DTA style, Davies and the club continue to stand by their mantra of “We dOn’t cArE”—emblazoned as it is on top of the club’s main stand.

“Look, you talk to me about all these other clubs I’ve either never heard of or don’t give a shit about,” Davies points. “Twigg lost the plot ages ago, in terms of his management and DSoE. The Westicles had one lucky season because we gave them a chance. Mellberg’s Beard won the title once in the Victorian age, shit it in DoWo for a few seasons, then Wes proved that not only is he the worst Evans, but that he’s worse than Jon Jolley. And Cacos? Who the fuck are Cacos?”